The Everyday Life Of The Boosh Boys
by YorkshirePuddings
Summary: Ok now the first chapter is a little weird on it's own but don't be put off it please it does get better. So anyway yeah it's basically the life of the boosh boys and russell brand but how i think they would be.
1. Chilled Water

Chilled Water

_**Chilled Water**_

Noel Fielding sauntered slowly down the deserted high street, his face automatically brightened when he realised the dark shape he'd been fixating upon was no other than Russell Brand his best friend and most definitely the most gorgeous man in Camden.

"Your late." Russell said pointing a finger at Noel and feigning anger.

"Oh shut up." Noel countered playfully shoving the other man, before pulling him into a fiercely passionate kiss.

"Come on we better get going to the club." Russell told Noel when they broke apart and slipped his hand into Noel's slightly smaller, very warm hand.

"Where've you been?" Julian asked as soon as he saw his best friend squeezing through the crowd toward him.

"Sorry I never actually realised how long Camden High Street is before tonight."

"Oh well you haven't missed much really, just Mike trying and failing to chat up some girls." Julian informed Noel who definitely registered a small look of hurt in the older mans face at this statement, "So where's Russell?"

"Sounds like Mike all right, oh yeah he's just gone to the bathroom said he'd meet me at the bar, so I'm going to go get a drink. You want anything?"

"Yeah can you get me a chilled water please?"

"Ch…Chilled water?" Noel asked in surprise "Ju, this is a club I doubt they have chilled water!"

"Oh all right just a beer then."

"Now that they most definitely have."

"Chilled water" Noel chuckled to himself as he wandered off in the direction of the bar.


	2. Out At Last

Disclaimer: Ooops I forgot this on chapter one but anyway yes I did create The Boosh on the same day I invented The Space Shutt

_**Disclaimer: **__**Ooops I forgot this on chapter one but anyway yes I did create The Boosh on the same day I invented The Space Shuttle and Microwave Popcorn. Basically I'm not Noel or Julian however much I wish I was but I do plan to get on the show steal the rights and make them touch each other anybody wanna help? :)**_

_**Out at last**_

"Hiya sexy."

Julian spun round as he felt arms being wrapped round his torso.

"Hey Mike, Listen you might want to mmph………"

But the rest of his sentence was never herd for an abundance of Mike Fielding on his lips.

Julian and Mike leapt apart as they heard the smash of a glass hitting the concrete floor.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?" Noel roared at the sight of his supposedly best friend kissing his brother "I COULD EXPECT THIS FROM MIKE MAYBE BUT YOU, YOUR MEANT TO BE MY BEST FRIEND, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

"Li listen Noel we wwwe can eeexplain." Mike stuttered knowing full well that he'd now have to tell Noel about him being gay.

"Well you better do it quick before I loose it big time."

"Look Noel this isn't just some drunken fling that will leave our friendship in ruins, I really like Mike!"

"Wow fuck um ok well wow your gay?" Noel asked Mike slightly flustered

"I um Ju, a little help here please."

"How can I help?" Julian asked incredulously

" I I I dunno um ok I suppose I I bbetter just get this oover with ye yeah I am I fou I found out abou about three tthree yea years aggo, I'm sso sorry I ddidn't ttell you bbbut I wa I wa I was afraid of yyyour reaction mmost." Mike eventually answered still stuttering.

"Mike you jack o' clubs do you really think I'm going to have a go at you for being gay when I'm going out with Russell?

Mike just stood there and blinked a few times before saying "seriously? But I thought you were straight!"

"Yeah as straight as a hook." Russell said casually

"Seriously, Mike you thought I was straight?" Noel asked surprised "you must have been the only one then."

"Well I don't know about everyone else but I for one knew he was a dirty fag the minute I saw him, no offence of course Noel."

"Non taken, just as long as you know I'm your dirty fag." Noel countered and quickly poked his tongue out at Russell

"Do you really have to out me in front of the whole club?" Russell asked feigning a hurt look

"You know what Mike I just realized I really don't know what the heck's going on with either you or Ju, I say we go back to mine open a bottle of wine maybe a couple of bottles of beer and just chat." Noel stated pretending he hadn't heard Russell's last comment

"I agree." Said Russell automatically siding with Noel

"Yeah course as long as its white wine, I hate red." Julian and Mike said in unison

"Let's get out of here then"


	3. The Morning After

The Morning After

_**Disclaimer:**__** I still don't own The Boosh Sad Face but the plan is coming along nicely :)**_

_**A/N:**__** I am such a retard I could have had a whole other chapter as the lovely **__**SisiDraig pointed out I could have had a really awkward catch up conversation slaps forehead why don't I think about this stuff!**_

_**The Morning After**_

The next morning Mike woke up with an piss-bad hangover and his arms wrapped round someone that was definitely not Julian.

"Who the fuck?" Mike muttered as he looked down at the pillow next to his then jumped out of bed faster the speed of light and thanked god he was dressed.

"NOEL WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?"

"W'd'ya mean your bed?" Noel asked him groggily

"I…o um ok lemme rephrase that," Mike muttered, "What the hell am I doing in your bed?"

"You and Ju stopped over last night 'cause by the end of the night you were both wasted and Ju kicked you out of bed 'cause you was thrashing about so much, so you came in here and asked me if you could sleep in my bed 'cause you'd had a bad dream."

"Wha… oh yeah now I remember."

"So what was the dream about?"

"Me and Ju were out at this bar and I'd never worked up the courage to tell him how I felt but anyway we eventually left and whilst we were walking down the street, Ju tried to kiss me but I pushed him away and said "No." He persisted to try and kiss me and I found I had a knife in my hand, my conscious was screaming for me to stop but my subconscious won and I…I stabbed him in the side of the neck." Mike finished telling Noel about his dream and collapsed into his brother crying.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Noel you in there?" Julian asked softly

Mike sat up straight and started wiping his eyes as Noel answered, "Yeah I am just one second, Mike you ok now?"

"Yep 'course I am."

"You sure?" Noel asked seeing uncertainty in his brothers' eyes

"I...I think so, I just I really hate that dream 'cause I really don't know what I'd do with out him y'know."

"I know exactly what you mean bro."

Noel give Mike one last hug and wiped a few tears that had escaped Mike's sleeve away from his face then said, "Ju, your all right to come in."

"Thanks Noel, I was just wondering if… o you're there Mike, I…thought you'd gone without me or something."

"Nah just…thought I'd come and talk to Noel."

"Ju can I have one more minute to talk to Mike on his own? Please."

"Yeah sure, guy's want me to start breakfast?"

"Ok just root around see what you can find."

As soon as Julian had left the room Noel turned back to Mike.

"So how many dreams have you had like this?"

"Just a few." Mike said off-handed

"Ok and does Ju know about them?"

"No," Mike admitted, "I didn't want to tell him 'cause I was scared he'd leave me."

"Try telling him. If he likes you as much as you like him he'll look past this, even if he believes dreams mean something."

"I just I don't want to loose him y'know 'cause I don't know but I think I might be in love with him."

"Thank god," came a voice from outside the room "'cause I sure as hell love you, Mike."

Julian entered the room and looked at Mike slightly flushed

"I'll um I'll I'm gonna go ring Russell actually." Noel muttered standing up and walking out of the room

"Were you being serious when you said you love me?" Mike asked Julian tentatively

"'Course I was I wouldn't of said it if I didn't mean it would I? Julian retorted sitting down next to Mike on the bed "What?"

"Shut up and kiss me, you fool."

"Gah. Guy's please will you not do that to me!" Noel exclaimed upon seeing his brother and Julian sat on his bed kissing

"Do what we're only kissing!" said Julian, half laughing as he saw the look of utter surprise on Noel's face

"I've had an even better idea you know Ju!" Mike suddenly pronounced "let's go to mine for breakfast and leave Noel in peace."

"Mmm I definitely like the sound of that." Said Julian giving his boyfriend one last lingering kiss before pulling him off the bed and towards the door.

"I know I've said I'm ok with this and all but can you please leave that sort of stuff till your on your own, there are something's I really don't want to know!"

After Mike and Julian had left Noel was sat straightening his hair when he heard a knock at the door

"Noel!" a very familiar yet very unwelcome voice called through the door

"Oh fuck no not at this time," Noel decided he better answer the door anyway so got off the bed and promptly stood on his straighteners "fuck."


	4. The Unwanted Visitor

The unwanted visitor

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own The Boosh sad face**_

_**The unwanted visitor**_

"Hi Dee, um how are you?"

"Good thanks but I…I have something to tell you."

"Really me too."

I'm pregnant, I'm gay." They said in unison.

Their faces both went white with shock

"WHAT D'YA MEAN YOU'RE PREGNANT!" Noel shouted still in shock.

"I MEAN I'M CARRYING YOUR CHILD YOU BERK, AND WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOUR GAY?"

"Well I always had a suspicion but after we broke up I became more than just friends with Julian, it didn't last and we decided we were better off as friends, that's when I met Russell and we've been together since, but anyway we're missing the big issue here your pregnant, what are we going to do?"

"Well I don't want my child anywhere near a fag so either you become straight or you never see your child."


	5. The Decision

Disclaimer: Will I ever own The Boosh

_**Disclaimer: Will I ever own The Boosh?!**_

_**The Decision**_

Tears gathered in Noels eyes as the remark made sunk in…

"YOU WONT LET ME SEE MY CHILD BECAUSE OF MY SEXUALITY?!"  
"Well yeah," said Dee "why should I? I mean you probably don't even care, you won't visit, you wont look after my child."

"OUR CHILD!!" said Noel furiously "how dare you say such a thing, of course I'll be a father, I mean fair enough we didn't plan this, but I don't think anybody does, well not really…I want this child as much as you do and I do want to see it, I want to care for it and do all the normal things a father should do." Noel softly grabbed Dee's hand and held it tight, "please I'm asking you not just as a friend but also as a father to our child please let me see it but I'm not going to change I am who I am and being gay is part of what makes me well…me."

"Her not it, and you can forget ever seeing either of us again then you dirty little fag!"

"Omg I'm going to have a little girl." Noel gasped with mixed emotions.

Dee burst into tears and wrapped her arms around Noel "I'm so sorry Noel I honestly don't know what to say of course I can't stop you from seeing your own child, I don't know what came over me, I'm really hormonal at the moment."

"Hey it's ok I understand, so you are ok with me being gay right?"

"Yes, I am well it'd be really hypocritical if I said I wasn't wouldn't it."

"You mean you're gay?" Noel asked looking confused.

"No I'm a lesbian, you batty crease!"

"Ah yeah that makes sense now."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier but that's why we had to end things, I'm also very sorry I called you a fag I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that I like women."

"Ok well I suppose that makes us equal, so does that mean I'll be able to see my daughter then?"

"Of course you can," Dee said taking a step back and wiping her eyes.


	6. And So It Begins

Disclaimer: Still not mine

_**Disclaimer: Still not mine!**_

_**And So It Begins**_

Suddenly Dee grabbed her stomach in pain.

"Oh god!" Dee said, her breathing becoming faster and deeper.

She looked down in horror as she saw a watery jelly-like mess around her shoes

"What's happening?" Noel asked panicking

"Oh fuck no this can't be happening I'm not ready I really can't do this Noel please don't make me do this!"

Noel's jaw dropped as he realized what was happening.

"Ok just relax we're going to get you to hospital now, you're going to be ok, I promise I won't let anything happen to you."


	7. How Can Your Life Change So Suddenly?

Disclaimer: Not mine :( but i am meeting them in a weeks time :)

_**Disclaimer: Not mine :( but i am meeting them in a weeks time :)**_

_**How can your life change so suddenly?**_

Ten minutes later the ambulance arrived.

"What's happened here?" The Paramedic said as he rushed over to Dee who was now lying on the floor in agony .

"PLEASE HELP HER!" Noel begged almost in tears.

"Hello ma'am I'm Troy can you tell me your name please?" Troy asked crouching down next to Dee, "Just step back please sir I promise we will help your wife."

"She…she's not my wife." Noel muttered.

"Girlfriend?" asked Troy.

"Nope."

"Are you connected with her in any way sir?"

"Yes." Noel answered shortly.

"I'm sorry sir but I have to know for legal purposes how you know her."

"She's my ex-girlfriend and I'm the father of the child she's carrying."

"Ok…wait did you just say she's pregnant?"

"What um yes I did can I come in the ambulance?" Asked Noel distractedly.

"Shit, ok Nigel get the board quickly, I've just been told the girl's pregnant."

"Yes you can but I think you should know that if we don't get her there soon she may loose the baby or even her life it look's like she has an internal bleed" said Troy as he strapped Dee to the board.

"Her name is Dee and you better get her to hospital quickly then hadn't you?!"

"Um yes sir of course"

"Well why are you stood staring at me then move move move NOW!!"

"Sorry sir but are you Noel Fielding?"

Noel closed his eye's willing himself to be patient.

"Yes I am." Noel answered through gritted teeth.

"I know this is probably not the best time but can I have your autograph? Please."

Noel took a deep breath, "No it's not the best time, but I tell you what are you opposed to gay men?"

"Well not really sir, being one my self and all."

"Ok then, if you get Dee to hospital quick-smart you can have my autograph and a kiss."

"Wow ok, do you mind if I speed sir?"

"As long as you get Dee to hospital you could drive there naked, for all I care."

"NOEL STOP FLIRTING WITH HIM AND GET OVER HERE NOW!" Dee screamed.

"I'm not I'm just making sure I keep my promise that's all and he is a bit of all right don't you think?!" Noel whispered taking her hand as Nigel and Troy wheeled her over to the ambulance.

"Noel?" a voice behind them asked sounding like they couldn't believe their eyes.

Noel span round "Russell, ok I can't explain now but come on I'll explain when we get to the hospital."

"Sir I'm afraid only one person can go in the ambulance with her."

"Dee not her and come on please?" Noel looked imploring at Troy.

"I'm sorry but only people connected to you or Dee can be permitted to go in the back as well."

"Great that mean's Russell's ok to come then."

"What but um how's he connected to you or the girl sir?"

"He's my boyfriend." Noel said tersely.

"O ok then I suppose he can go in the back with you." Troy muttered his face flushed deep red.


	8. You Win One You Loose One

Disclaimer: Still not mine

_**Disclaimer: Still not mine! ducks keyboards Please don't kill me I've got so much to give!**_

_**You win one; you lose one**_

"Maybe you should sit back down." Troy said, gently placing a hand on Noel's shoulder and guiding him back to the chair he'd just jumped out of.

Noel collapsed into the tacky orange seat he was emotionally and physically drained. Shortly after arriving at the hospital he'd been told that Dee was carrying twins and just now Troy had come back to see him and tell him that the good news was he was now a father to a healthy little boy and girl.

"The doctors confirmed that, Dee had an internal bleed shortly after she arrived. They did everything they could to save her but it was to no avail, Dee passed away a few minutes ago."

"Fuck no, she can't be, she just can't be." Noel whispered tears rolling silently down his cheeks.

"Noel?" Russell asked tentatively approaching him carrying two cups of coffee.

Noel looked up at him still crying.

"What's wrong? Did the babies not survive?"

"No they survived but…but Dee…she didn't make it."

"Oh my god I'm so sorry." Russell told Noel putting the cups down and pulling him into a hug "have you decided whether your gonna keep the twins?"

"Sort of." Noel replied not meeting Russell's eyes.

"What d'ya mean sort of?"

"I mean that I'm gonna keep them but I really want you to be like a father to them."

"Eh but they 'ave a father Noel."

"No you berk I mean I want you to be a more significant part of my life and theirs." Noel told him trying hard not to laugh, "I mean I'm not sure I'm ready for the 'm word' yet but one thing I am sure of is that I hate it when we're apart, ok…I suppose, what I really mean is um…will you consider moving in with me?"

"I wow I feel exactly the same ya know and there's no considerin' 'bout it it's a definite yes."

Noel breathed a sigh of relief "I love you so much Russell."

"I love you too." Russell told him leaning in and sealing his mouth over Noel's.

The couple broke apart as they heard a cough behind them.

"O hey Mike I take it you got my message then."

"Yeah, what's going on? Why are you even here, oh my god something hasn't happened to Dave or Julian has it?! O no it's Julian isn't it something's happened to him hasn't it!"

"Mike calm down nothing has happened to Julian or Dave ok."

He took a few calming breaths then said "ok but why are you here then?"

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

"Bad because then the good news will cheer me up."

"Ok the bad news is that Dee's passed away due to an internal bleed."

Mike looked upset and stunned for a moment then asked "and the good news?"

"You're no longer just Mike, you're Uncle Mike now."

"Ok Noel I think you've just been really shook up by the fact that Dee's dead but you're gay you can't have kid's."

"Think about it Mike, me and Dee broke up nine months ago, today she turns up in my life again."

"Oh you mean Dee was pregnant with your child."

"Finally he gets there and children not child."

"Twins? You now have twins to look after!"

"Yep a little boy and a little girl."

"Aw babies are so cute, have you decided what to call them yet?"

"Well I haven't discussed it with Russell yet but…"

"You don't 'ave to discuss it with me you're their father."

"You're as much a father to them as me now!" Noel said stubbornly.

"Ok what do you want to call them Noel?" asked Mike before Russell could respond.

"I was thinking for the girl Ruby Ruth Fielding and for the boy Joseph James Fielding."

"They both sound gorgeous Noel."

"Yeah for once I agree with Russell also I think Dee would have be very happy with those names." Mike told his brother.

"So how about we go see your new nephew and niece then."

"I'm guessing you haven't seen them yet and really want to."

"Well me and Russell had things to discuss and we didn't want to go and see them without you."


End file.
